Bon Voyage!

We leaving today for vacation. Yes, vacation. A cruise actually. (which I am still struggling with, "What if I want to leave?" and "how enviromentally unfriendly is that ?") So I've been up since about 3:30. Why, you ask? First I heard my dad coughing. Then I felt sick to my stomach and almost had myself convinced I had the dreaded stomach bug. Then I worried about how I couldn't travel if I was sick. But since I ate yucky yesterday I googled acid reflux. Bingo! Out came the chammomile tea........and then I thought..oohhh I can catch up on some of the blogs I like to read. Hence the link to one of my newest favorites...and the latest entry there...Is Any Mommy Out there?  .

 Enjoy! And tune in next week for my adventures in cruising......

Coping Mechanism

A funny thing just happened...not funny haha but funny, like "Oh, ok". I was just snacking out on some oreos..mini ones...but I wasn't really hungry..just looking for something..then I checked my email and started reading this great post from  Medicinal Marzipan. Then I stopped and asked myself what was really going on. You see, I'm not physically  hungry. I'm actually feeling a little anxious. My dad (he's 82) lives with us and over the weekend he had a nosebleed that lasted an hour. Then today he had two more and luckily my sister was here and could take him to the hospital (both my boys were home and hubby working). But even though I trust her I really wanted my husband to go up to the hospital after work, and he basically told me no, that my sister could handle it. Not the answer I wanted to hear. So there I was, eating to help ease the anxiety when (non)coincidentally I come upon an email that reminds me I am on the intuitive eating journey, and maybe I should look at what is really going on. But also not to beat myself up about eating to ease the anxiety. And then I thought, I'll just blog it! Because writing really helps me when I'm feeling things I'm not sure what to do with. It's my one of my favorite coping mechanisms.  What's your favorite coping mechanism?

Jumping off point

 I've just recently jumped off the dieting hamster wheel. It all started when I came across an article in The Magazine of Yoga, which led me to the fabulous Anna Guest-Jelley and Curvy Yoga. At the site there was talk about a book titled Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. At first I was perplexed and concerned about the  Health at Every Size (HAES) concept, which I'm sure was from years of being on, you know, diets. And also from being told I was unhealthy because of my weight. And from not meeting the American cultures standards of what a beautiful woman/girl should look like.  I thought, "Omg, what are these people talking about...it's just an excuse to not make an effort." But I couldn't stop thinking about it. Any of it. For days. I kept thinking about what it would feel to not be on a diet. To eat foods I like without guilt. To be able to accept and maybe even love my body as it is. Now. Not when I weigh ____lbs, or when it looked the way the culture I live in thinks it should.
 Then came the paradigm shift. I had to go back for a second mammogram and ultrasound. As I lay on the table after the ultrasound, waiting for the tech to get back to me, I thought about how I've never liked my breasts. Ever. I thought about all that negative energy that I've been sending to them (and the rest of my body), all these years and how that has affected my body, mind and spirit. I thought about my children and my husband, and how they would be affected if something happened to me. I asked God (higher power, universe, whatever it is that's out there) to help me be able to handle whatever was coming my way. The tech came back in, told me everything was ok and to make sure I came  back in a year for my annual mammogram. At that moment I made the decision and a promise to treat myself better. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Period. To do that I had to stop dieting. It wasn't working. I could barely follow an "eating"or "diet" program and was not losing any weight.  The only thing I achieved was self loathing. I read Health at Every Size. One of the things it talks about is intuitive eating, which I understood the idea, but needed help getting there. You know, directions. So like a good googler, I googled intuitive eating and found the book Intuitive Eating. I read it. I made the decision to follow the 10 principles that are outlined in that book.
  So the journey has begun, and though there was a beginning there is not necessarily an ending. Just a continuance.